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Recharge

As women we do more by lunch time than most men do by mid night. Between the kids, house, dogs, husbands and maybe even an outside job it’s no wonder we are exhausted most if not some of the time.

We must not forget to take care of ourselves and recharge our batteries if we are to function at the levels that we need to daily. If you can squeeze in a spa day once in a while it will do wonders for your mind, body and spirit. Not to mention, it may keep you from strangling someone. (laughing). If that is not possible something as simple as a hot bath and cup of tea or wine if you prefer can have a major impact.

What ever helps you to relax and destress will be helpful. We must not forget to take care of ourselves. You know the instructions that the flight attendant on an airplane gives when she says in a loss of cabin pressure secure your mask before helping other’s. In order to help other’s you must first take care of yourself. It is not selfish or self indulgent to care for yourself, it is a necessity.

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Husbands

Today I would like to talk about husband’s.  I was reading a post on facebook recently where a woman was talking about her husband. She felt that women around her were critical of how she cared for her husband and children. She is a stay at home mom and she homeschools her three children. During a conversation with a relative she was accused of not taking advantage of the advancements of the woman’s movement. Why don’t you want a career and work outside of the home she was asked?  She felt like a traitor to the women’s movement.

I thought the movement was about women having equal right’s, including the right to choose what works for you. I too, have been made to feel ashamed and even embarrassed because I walked away from Corporate America and choose to make my home and family my priority. I listen to my single friends complain about not being married and having a husband.  What I find comical is what they say they are not willing to do for a husband.  I liken that to wanting to eat anything you want too but don’t want to gain weight nor exercise. You can’t have it both ways.

I take pride in caring for my family. I am happiest when I know they are happy. Forty years of marriage have taught me that in relationships it’s not all about you. It is about caring for each other.

If you want to be a wife you must learn how to take care of a Husband. So here is my shout out to all the Husbands who work hard daily and provide for his family.  Job well done.

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Love -VS- Obsession

I want to speak to Women today.

Let’s breakdown the difference between Love and Obsession.  Webster’s definition of love is, an intense feeling of deep affection. A deep romantic and emotional attachment.  A form of romantic affection that is pure and wholly positive, not just based on lust.

I can go on and on but you get the point I’m making about the definition of Love.

Now let’s look at the definition of “Obsession”

Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or person. Unreasonable idea  or emotional attachment.

I was listening to the news today and a story came on air about a woman who’s husband threw acid in her face while she was at work. She survived the attack but will have to undergo years of reconstructive facial and very painful surgical procedures. She told the story about how he began the relationship. He started out being very loving and caring. She thought she found the man of her dreams.

 

The dream soon turned into a nightmare. He began isolating her from her family and friends. He would tell her that he loved her so much that he wanted her all to himself. He had to be constantly in her presence. He became increasingly jeoulous and began accusing her of infidelity. Soon after the violence began. Of course it was always her fault. After a couple of years of his violent behavior and his non stop apologies, he summoned up the courage to leave him.

On that fateful day of the attack he told her that if he could not have her no would else would either. As sad as this story is, it is all to familiar. It is so easy to confuse the difference between love and obsession. It happens everyday in every city and every country. You want to believe that the behavior is because he loves you.

Let me break it down for you in three words. “LOVE NEVER HURTS”

The first clue here is him wanting to isolate you from family and friends. This is not about love, it’s about Control. If he loves you he will want you to have healthy relationships in your life. If you see this behavior, run don’t walk to the nearest exit. If you feel that you are in an obessive relationship reach out to family and friends. If there is no one in close proximity to you, reach out to a local hotline in your city for help and guidance.  Do not try and take on this type of personality on your own it can be very dangerous.

If you need help, contact the National Domestic Violence hotline @ 1800 799-7233. The website address is the .www.thehotline.org. There you will find valuable information that can help you safely remove yourself from that environment.

I hope this helps someone. Remember there is nothing to be ashamed of and you are not alone. Help is a phone call away.

 

 

 

 

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To Serve or not to Serve

I was watching a tv show tonight and the characters were in a debate about wether a woman should fix her husband a plate of food. One of the husbands asked his wife to fix him a plate of food. She got up from the table and preceeded to do so.

Some of the women at  the table chastised her and felt it was subservient for a woman to serve her husband while the other half felt it was a sign of respect. I have always felt that it is a sign of respect to prepare my husbands plate for him. He works long hours to provide for our family. I consider it an honor to fix him something to eat.

Why is it deemed old fashioned for a woman to care for her husband and family? I know that as women we have made many strides in equality. That is a good thing. We are now captain of industry, running  a busness, producing movies an so on.

With all the advancements in equality, why has motherhood and being a wife somehow deemed unimportant. OK, back to fixing a plate of food. (laughing)

So in conclusion, if you want to fix him a plate of food do so. If you do not wish to and you and your spouse os ok with that, it’s ok too.

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Love and Marriage

Join myself as well as other exciting women as we share motivational stories about how we have managed to have successful Marriages/Relationships.  Woman from various backgrounds will allow you to see into our lives and expose with you what we have learned about Relationships in the 21st Century. You will discover why some marriages survive while others meet their demise. So, join us for an exciting Brunch and Learn workshop. You will not be disappointed.

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Perfection vs Perfect for You

 

My recent post about Perfection vs Perfect for You received quite a bit of feedback. I was asked to follow up on the topic. So here it goes.

So many of us today are in search of perfection. Advertising, social media and various forms of media have convinced us that we have to be perfect. We have to wear the right clothes, makeup, drive the right vehicles and even have plastic surgery all in an attempt to be “Perfect”

 

In our search for personal perfection we also expect our prospective partners to be perfect. Surgery, clothes, makeup and vehicles does not equal perfection.

Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with wanting to look nice or even drive a nice car. When you place a high value on external attributes you set yourself up for failure and delusion. Have you ever noticed that some of the most beautiful women in the world are the most insecure about their appearance’s? I hear from both men and women who tell me that they don’t feel attractive enough.

 

Remember beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We have all seen the animated movie Beauty and the Beast. The female character Belle was repelled by the beast in the beginning but after she spent time getting to know him she fell in love with his spirit and his heart. His physical appearance no longer mattered.

 

When you place a higher value on the appearance and physical attributes of an individual instead of their heart, moral character and spirit, you will always find yourself in search of something better (Perfection). There will always be someone who may not find you attractive, fashionable or even appealing. There will always be someone with more money or a better body, longer hair or a prettier/handsome face. The search for perfection will be never ending.

We must learn to love ourselves as well as others as they are and that is the true definition of Perfection.

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Sisterhood

Sisterhood

 

Today’s women have some many more options and choices than women as early as one generation ago. Thanks to the women’s movement and all of the courageous women who stood up for our rights women today have many more options. Some choose career’s outside of the home while others have made the decision to be stay at home mom’s and housewives.

 

In my profession as a Life Coach, I work with women from all walks of life. One common theme that I hear most often from women who have chosen a career over family is that sometimes they feel demonized for that choice. On the other side of the isle, women who have made the choice to have a family and not work outside of the home also feel demonized for that choice as well.

As women we need to support each other and recognize that there is no one size fits all when it comes to womanhood. I support and encourage each individual to pursue the path that works best for them. Mother’s rely on your single girlfriends without children, they make the best babysitters. (smile) Above all, let’s support one another, we all need it.

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Infidelity> Does it end the Relationship

Does infidelity end a relationship? There is no simple answer to this question. Every person has a personal deal breaker in their relationship. For some it may be infidelity, for others not so much.

Only you can decide to either end or attempt to repair the marriage/relationship. There have been several very public cases of infidelity in which the decision was made to remain in the relationship. The reasons vary from love to maintaining the relationship for the sake of the family. No matter what you decide, make sure it’s your decision and not that of other’s around you.

Family and friends may be well meaning but remember they do not share a life and or a family with the unfaithful individual.  You do. You have a vested interest in the outcome. Make the decision to stay or leave based on what you feel in your heart and mind, not family and friends. Listen to advice from others, but make the best decision for you and your family. If you decide to remain in the relationship I would recommend marriage counseling so that the two of you can determine what caused the breakdown in the relationship so as to avoid a repeat of the behavior in the future. Best of luck to you.

 

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House Cleaning (whose job is it)

I recently spoke with a young woman who is newly married. She asked me a question about house cleaning. Both she and her husband work full time. She wants to hire a cleaning lady one day a month to help out with the chores. Her husband feels it’s a waste of money and feels that they can manage the cleaning amongst themselves.

She does not share his viewpoint and asked me what I thought was the best way to handle the situation.

My advice to her was to try it his way for two months. List all the chores that needs to be managed on a peice of paper and split the list between you based on each persons strengths and likes. You can do the dishes, he can mop the floors etc;

At the end of the time period if he has not kept up his end of the agreement you will have a stronger case for hiring the cleaning lady. If her husband is anything like mine, two weeks in and I will have that cleaning in the front door. (smile)

At the end of the day both of you will have contributed to the conversation and that is what’s key.

P.S. start calling agencies  (smile)

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To Work or not Work

To work  or not work, that is the question most mother’s ask themselves. Understandably, not all mother’s have the choice to be a stay at home mom. For some women working outside the home is the only option. If this is your circumstance, I would, as in my book suggest that you secure as much assistance as possible. Establish a village of individuals to help maintain the flow. Remember, there is only one of you and one or more of your children. Be realistic about what you can and can not do.

Don’t beat yourself up if you have to miss a school program or a game. If you work outside of the home depending on the flexibility of your job, this will happen. Assure your children that you love them and you hate missing the game etc; but that you are working to provide a life and future for them.

Have family and friends fill in for you when you can’t be there. Just remind yourself that you are doing the best you can and remember to shower your children with love when you are present. And above all, remember to Breath.